Inner Struggle: The 7 Hidden Roots (And How to Heal Them) - Part 1

I remember struggling with depression and thinking, “I’m going to feel like this for the rest of my life.” I had moved beyond the suicidal stage and was resigning myself to the fact that this was my lot in life. My thought was that depression had been handed down to me through generations of other depressed individuals, and this inner struggle was now my cross to bear.

What I didn’t know at the time was that I didn’t have to feel like this forever. I believed it was something I had to accept, a burden I needed to prepare for—a lifetime of struggle. 

The Lie We Believe About Struggle

It wasn’t until I started getting frustrated, even angry, or resentful of the fact that I was going to suffer with depression for the rest of my life, that I began to fight back. After all, why should I resign myself to this fate?

This is what started me on a long, arduous journey of self-discovery. I found something deeper within myself that could pull me out of the depths of complete misery, the fires of hell itself, and into the light of glorious freedom. 

Through this process, I realized two truths that changed everything. First, you don’t have to stay stuck where you are. That inner struggle you deal with doesn’t have to rule your life. It’s not a death sentence. You can absolutely overcome the deep, dark, emotional turmoil keeping you rooted in hell.

The second realization is that humans can overcome anything. We can defy all odds. Marcus Aurelius ruled an empire while battling deep inner demons. Viktor Frankl not only survived, but found purpose in a Nazi concentration camp. Nelson Mandela spent 27 years in prison, yet emerged to become president of his country and eventually led his people to freedom. 

These are just a few of the millions of examples showing that you don’t have to succumb to your inner struggle. 

The Hidden Battle Inside Us All

You can overcome it.

How do I know?

Because I overcame depression and all its misery: self-hatred, despair, guilt, and shame, I know from firsthand experience that you can break through the barriers keeping you trapped in cycles of pain.

However, a willingness to work is required. You must don your armor and prepare for battle. The battle isn’t what you might think, though. It isn’t about brute strength or complete dominance. It’s a battle of letting go. 

The goal isn’t to overcome your inner struggle by running a sword through its belly, but by embracing it, accepting it, and then seeing it out your door, thanking it for the lessons it provided. 

Instead of striving for control, you learn to accept your inner struggle as a gift.

You realize you’ve spent your whole life running away from the pain, shame, or brokenness inside you, instead of towards it. 

Only when you become conscious of the war playing across the landscape of your mind can you begin to find freedom. My favorite quote these days comes from Carl Jung when he said,

“Then why the armor?” you might ask.

Because it’s still a fight, and you’re protecting yourself from yourself. You’re standing guard at the door of your mind to protect your thoughts, to watch your feelings, and to remove the ones that aren’t congruent with the life you want to live, or the person you want to be. 

But before winning the battle, you must know what you’re fighting.

If you’re ready, let’s look at the first three roots of inner struggle that shape emotional and psychological distress, keeping you trapped in a prison of your mind.

1. The Inner Struggle of Shame and Guilt

Shame and guilt are universal emotions. In and of themselves, they can be viewed as a guiding star for right and wrong living. The problem you run into with these emotions is when you believe, or accept, them as your identity. 

It’s believing that you are not enough, or there’s something fundamentally wrong with you, that causes long-term emotional turmoil.

These thoughts and feelings reinforce each other, creating a loop that traps you in mental and emotional suffering. 

They corrode your self-worth, isolating you in a cycle of self-judgment and emotional withdrawal. 

Here’s how you can break the inner struggle of shame and guilt:

Step 1:

Name the shame: Write down the core beliefs you carry (I’m broken, I always mess up, I ruin things)

Step 2:

Challenge the lie: Ask, “Where did I learn this? Who told me this was true?”

Step 3:

Practice self-compassion: Speak to yourself the way you would to a child who’s hurting. You’re not perfect, but you’re not beyond redemption. 

The third step will be the most challenging one. You will want to blow it off for multiple reasons. One is because you don’t think you deserve to be talked to this way. You think you deserve the shame and guilt and subsequent mental punishment that comes with it.

Another reason is that, quite frankly, it’s weird to speak to yourself this way. After all, you’re a grown man or woman, so why would you talk to yourself like a child? The truth is, part of you is still that child. You retain that younger sense of self throughout your life. It may mature as you grow older, but many people still feel young in their minds despite outer appearances. 

Healing shame and guilt begins with changing how you see yourself—treating that wounded inner self with compassion instead of punishment. Only then can you move toward something more profound, a purpose and meaning for life, the courage to live.

2. When Life Feels Empty: The Root of Meaninglessness

This was my credo for years. I felt the weight of it bearing down on my soul, like a cinder block around my neck as I stared up through dark waters, lungs burning, hand outstretched reaching for the sun just above the surface, hoping, wishing, and praying that I could touch the warmth of the light, the slightest heat on my fingertips, and prove to myself that my meaningless existence was merely a figment of my imagination. 

I desperately desired something more than the pain, misery, and despair of depression and the emptiness I felt inside.

This vacuum of meaning often leads to existential depression and quiet despair. You know there’s more to life, but meaning still feels elusive, so you find yourself going through the motions, but everything feels hollow.

At the root of it all, you have a creeping suspicion that none of this really matters.

On one hand, you’re right. 

Life is meaningless. 

On the other hand, it’s packed with so much meaning that it will make your eyes bulge. 

So, how do you find meaning if you’re drowning in a meaningless life?

Step 1:

Reclaim purpose: It doesn’t have to be big, but choose one thing each day that awakens something real inside you.

Step 2:

Serve something greater: Contribution generates meaning. Who benefits from your healing?

Step 3:

Create, don’t consume: Build something meaningful—art, business, a better version of yourself. Creation fights nihilism. 

If you accept the idea that life has no meaning, your life will begin to reflect that belief. If you choose to assign meaning, without the requirement of eventual fulfillment, you will be rewarded with a sense of purpose. Of living beyond yourself. 

And who knows, maybe that will be something that lasts for generations. But if it doesn’t, be okay with that. The goal of life isn’t to build an eternal legacy; it’s to live life and enjoy each moment as it comes. 

3. Disconnected and Drifting: The Pain of Isolation

Disconnection doesn’t necessarily mean a separation from society, friends, and family. It can mean being detached from yourself, the true self. The self hidden behind all the thoughts and emotions that run your everyday life. 

It’s not just that others don’t know who you are; you don’t know either. It’s a fragmentation of your identity, quietly working against you in the back of your mind. 

The pain of being unknown and unseen, even in a crowded room and amongst those closest to you, drives the feeling of isolation even deeper. So, you pull back even more, as if to protect yourself, but unknowingly prolonging and strengthening the cycle. 

Continually living with chronic disconnection triggers emotional numbness, feelings of depression and anxiety, and often leads to physical illness. Your outlook on life diminishes with every passing day, yet all you want is to feel known. To feel accepted.

However, you don’t have to feel this way. This doesn’t have to be your permanent reality. Instead, start working to overcome this feeling of isolation. Start with these steps and build from there:

Step 1:

Tell the truth: Start by being honest with yourself. Look in the mirror and speak the truth, write it down, or talk to someone you trust.

Step 2:

Initiate vulnerability: Risk sharing something real. Stop hiding and worrying about what others might think. You don’t have to blast it out on social media, but get real with someone. Connection requires exposure.

Step 3:

Join, don’t just scroll: Get in rooms (virtual or real) where real conversations happen. Presence heals loneliness. If a room of people seems too much, speak to a therapist and work through it together.

Tearing down the walls of isolation isn’t easy. It requires vulnerability—a sharing of your inmost sanctum with others, who in your mind, may appear as potential hostiles. You’re right to think that. Not everyone is going to understand. Most probably won’t care because they’re dealing with deep issues of their own. But there’s someone in your life you can share with. Start there if that feels comfortable, or as mentioned, seek guidance through therapy if that seems like a more viable option.

Regardless of the path you take, don’t allow yourself to give in to the incessant thoughts that doing this work is pointless. Your mind will try to convince you it’s not worth the effort because it risks exposing the truth that you might not be worthy. That you, in and of yourself, might not be enough. 

Don’t believe that lie!

Healing the Inner Struggle

The inner struggle you deal with, the existential crisis of the soul weighing you down, doesn’t have to be a lifelong battle. But it is your choice on whether you want to stay where you are or find freedom from your suffering.

If you’ve never read Viktor Frankl’s “Man’s Search for Meaning,” I highly recommend it. It brings Murakami’s quote to life in a way most can barely comprehend. 

Whether you’re fighting—or succumbing to— shame, guilt, meaninglessness, or the pain of isolation, healing is still possible. 

The question is, how badly do you want to find healing? How far are you willing to go to feel the sun's warmth on your face as you wash the inner turmoil away?

Being led to the light is as far as anyone can take you. Once there, you must reach out to grab it for yourself. This means work, in some fashion, because the light isn’t always easy to grasp. You may hold it in your hands momentarily, only to watch it slip through your fingers the next. 

But this moment is the one that decides your ultimate fate. Will you continue to reach for the light, or will you draw back and accept defeat yet again?

You must be vigilant in your work. Steady in your progress. You must create a mental fortitude to stay with the task for as long as needed, until you can learn how to hold the light effortlessly, without struggle. Without trying. Until it becomes the very essence of who you are.

Coming Soon

Next week, we’ll look at the remaining four inner struggles people deal with. We’ll expose the root cause and offer a proactive approach to healing and moving on. 

We’ll be discussing:

• The Inner Struggle of Identity, Confusion, and the Search for Self

• The Inner Struggle of Powerlessness

• The Inner Struggle of Fear and Avoidance

• The Inner Struggle of Escaping the Present Moment

One final note: healing is possible, but it starts with ownership and small, deliberate choices each day. 

If you enjoyed today’s article, please take the time to share with somebody who needs to hear this message, and be sure to sign up for my email list to have these delivered to your inbox every Saturday morning.

I wish you well. 

Until next time,

Josiah

For more information and resources, visit josiahthibodeau.com